The Worst Signings of the Season

[Blaugrana]

Imagine yourself as the pumped up president of a Primera super power with 175 million euros to spend.

You could rummage around for a Ruud, maybe go for a Guiza or go flashy with a Forlan.

Or instead, you could spunk your cash up the wall on a shower of cack, like these clubs did over the summer.

La Liga Loca presents, euro for euro, pound for pound, blunder for blunder, the most injury prone, over hyped and under performing new signing side of the season so far.

Goalkeeper - Oscar Ustari, Getafe, 6 million euros

The new 'El Pato' apparently - but in the flapping, waddling and quacking department. Getafe's most expensive signing may well be out of the door with his webbed feet barely touching the ground, in January, after a serious of calamitous displays that began with two horrendous howlers on his debut against Valencia.

Centre Back - Pepe, Real Madrid, 30 million euros

Real Madrid fans may be clapping and barking like over excited seals at two decent performances against Athletic and Osasuna, but pinhead Pepe is going to have to do a lot more than that to justify his extraordinary fee. At the end of last season, the unknown Porto player was probably worth around a third of what Real forked out for him. One can only assume he learned to sh*t gold over the summer.

Centre Back - Ivan Helguera, Valencia, Free Transfer

Dear Lord. Yes, he was free, but the fact that Valencia are actually paying good money for Helguera to tart about in their back four, gets him into the side. His constant look of fear and confusion would be highly entertaining if he wasn't helping to hammer a nail into the coffin of a once great side, with his calamitous, 'this way to the goal' displays.

Left Back - Royston Drenthe, Real Madrid, 14 million euros

Clearly not a left back, despite Pedja Mijatovic's claims and clearly not going to be a Real Madrid player in January. Another, 'how much! For who!' signing from the Bernabeu basket cases (see Gago, Diarra), Drenthe's only note worthy achievement so far this season, was to drive into a police car at 4 in the morning, because his GPS instructed him to go left.

Right Back - Khalid Boulahrouz, loan

Equally as incompetent at right back, as he is at centre back, Monchi's legendary scouting prowess clearly failed him on this occasion. He merely needed to hold a photo of him up to a group of Chelsea fans to get an inkling of the uselessness of this particular Dutch disaster. Falls into the Helguera category, simply because of the extraordinary wages they must be paying to the Stamford Bridge drop out.

Left Midfield - Arjen Robben, Real Madrid, 36 million euros

One can only imagine that the half-wit doctor who gave the Dutchman the all clear at his medical, must be to sports medicine what Harold Shipman was to geriatric care. Chelsea's bosses must have peed themselves with delight when they got shot of old glass legs. And for money. 258 minutes of league football so far this season and diddly squat to show for it.

Central Midfielder - Manuel Fernandes, 24 million euros

Loathed by Ronald Koeman at Benfica and now loathed by Ronald Koeman at Valencia. Former Ché boss, Quique, wanted Van der Vaart to give a bit of a boost to his midfield, instead he got Fernandes who knew a good wage and a fancy villa when he saw it. Turned his back on a verbal agreement to join Everton and chose the good ship Valencia to park his overpaid arse on.

Central Midfield - Rio Mavuba, Villarreal, 7 million euros

Poor old Rio Mavuba must have peed in Pellegrini's paella to warrant the treatment currently being dished out by the Chilean coach. Arriving from Bordeaux with a reputation as the new Claude Makelele, his 3 substitute appearances in the league so far, suggest he has as much chance as succeeding at the Yellow Submarine as Claude Monet.

Right Midfield - José Antonio Reyes, Atletico Madrid, 12 million euros

Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine, whine. Can I have my money, please? Whine, whine, whine, whine. Having been banished to Highbury, Reyes is slowly working his way back to Sevilla. And doing so in some style. Hated by Arsenal fans for his constant complaining. Hated by Real Madrid fans for moving to Atletico and hated by Atletico fans for moving to Real after signing a deal to move to Atletico and then buying himself out of it.

Striker - Thierry Henry, Barcelona, 24 million euros

After years of pleading and prodding, Barcelona finally bagged their man - the man who was finally going to give Levante the thrashing they deserved. Oh yes. What. Were. They. Thinking?

Striker - Nikola Zigic, Valencia, 22 million euros

The stock of former Racing Santander sensation, Nikola Zigic has fallen so far that even Arizmendi gets a start ahead of the Serbian giant. Insults don't come much worse than that. He has more centimetres than minutes played, so far this season.

Source: La Liga Loca

So:

Ustari
Boulahrouz - Pepe - Helguera - Drenthe
Reyes - M Fernandes - Mavuba - Robben
Zigic - Henry

Real Madrid scores well

About Helguera, did they really expect any different?

[Podolski]

pepe doesn't deserve to be on there, he was injured but the last few games has showed his worth.

robben is worst.

[Pennywise]

Both Pepe and Robben have been injured, but great players for the future. Pepe has also showed great skills the matches he has played and Robben were pretty good before his injure too.

Royston Drenthe then is a good candidate.

[Oliver_Kahn]

Centre Back - Pepe, Real Madrid, 30 million euros

Real Madrid fans may be clapping and barking like over excited seals at two decent performances against Athletic and Osasuna, but pinhead Pepe is going to have to do a lot more than that to justify his extraordinary fee. At the end of last season, the unknown Porto player was probably worth around a third of what Real forked out for him. One can only assume he learned to sh*t gold over the summer.

Fuck off all the critics, he proved he is worth every single penny.

The person that wrote this doesn't have a clue about football. Pepe was amongst the top 5 CB's in the world last season, anyone that watched Porto will tell you that.

[Pennywise]

I agree, Oliver !

Tonight he owned Camp Nou !

[Podolski]

a few more performances like that he'd be my top choice for the best signing of the season

[Oliver_Kahn]

Originally Posted by Pennywise

I agree, Oliver !

Tonight he owned Camp Nou !

He owned the place countless times last season and I was sure he would do the same for Madrid. After just one bad performance, everyone was on Pepe's back saying he was crap and not even worth 10m and blah blah blah.. Where are the critics now ?

I'm so looking forward to seeing Pepe and Carvalho playing together for Portugal, best CB duo in the world

[Pennywise]

Don't listen to the fanatic Barca supporters. According to some of them, Madrid should relegated because of bad play and bad players this season.

To be objective and humble will always be the key to success.

Pepe has a great potensial. He is tall, strong, reading the game, good to make positions and sometimes a living wall. But he is just a human and far away from perfect. IMO he need a season to adjust La Liga so he can develop further.

Btw, wasn't his hallmark that he never played a bad match for Porto?

[Oliver_Kahn]

Originally Posted by Pennywise

Don't listen to the fanatic Barca supporters. According to some of them, Madrid should relegated because of bad play and bad players this season.

To be objective and humble will always be the key to success.

Pepe has a great potensial. He is tall, strong, reading the game, good to make positions and sometimes a living wall. But he is just a human and far away from perfect. IMO he need a season to adjust La Liga so he can develop further.

Btw, wasn't his hallmark that he never played a bad match for Porto?

Exactly.

In his first season, he was really dodgy so Mourinho was trying to transform Pepe into a DM. After Mourinho left, we had 3 coaches in one season, all opted to play Pepe at CB and he was probably our revelation player of that season.

Then Co Adriaanse came and Pepe become vital part of the starting line-up, as we played in a 3-3-4 (I know it's suicidal, but it's true).

Then last season, he was already established as one of the best in Portugal and tipped for the Portuguese NT (since he was nearly finishing his 5th year in Portugal), and he had a monster season. Lead our defense to a comfortable title win, even though it was just by 1 point (we lost Pepe on the last month of the season and on those 5 matches, we lost 2, drew 2 and conceded goals in every match, just shows you how important he was). Pepe came back for the last MD of the season and made a fantastic tackle which lead to our opening goal, in a match we won 4-1.

I admit he didn't start off very well for Real, that match at the Weser was horrible, but he didn't let that affect him and he improved his game. Now you are all witnessing the great CB Pepe is. You are lucky to have him

[Vargas_4]

Left Back - Royston Drenthe, Real Madrid, 14 million euros

Clearly not a left back, despite Pedja Mijatovic's claims and clearly not going to be a Real Madrid player in January. Another, 'how much! For who!' signing from the Bernabeu basket cases (see Gago, Diarra), Drenthe's only note worthy achievement so far this season, was to drive into a police car at 4 in the morning, because his GPS instructed him to go left.

[Blaugrana]

Originally Posted by Oliver_Kahn

The person that wrote this doesn't have a clue about football. Pepe was amongst the top 5 CB's in the world last season, anyone that watched Porto will tell you that.

This person isn't talking about his Porto days

But i guess it was the worst time to write this piece

[Oliver_Kahn]

Originally Posted by Blaugrana

This person isn't talking about his Porto days

You sure?

Centre Back - Pepe, Real Madrid, 30 million euros

Real Madrid fans may be clapping and barking like over excited seals at two decent performances against Athletic and Osasuna, but pinhead Pepe is going to have to do a lot more than that to justify his extraordinary fee. At the end of last season, the unknown Porto player was probably worth around a third of what Real forked out for him. One can only assume he learned to sh*t gold over the summer.

That was what I was referring too.

Originally Posted by Blaugrana

But i guess it was the worst time to write this piece

Here's what the same person wrote after the match at Camp Nou:

Pepe

Listen. The only defender ever worth 30 million euros was Tony Mowbray in his prime. So Pepe did well shutting out a has been Brazilian and a couple of teenagers? Whoopedy do. But then again, it doesn't mean he's crap. It is possible to be very good and not worth that much.

This person is either blind, stupid, or a Barça fan.

[Blaugrana]

I'll refrain; he doesn't say that he didn't play well for Porto

Originally Posted by Oliver_Kahn

This person is either blind, stupid, or a Barça fan.

Why is it blind or stupid, if he doesn't think any defender is worth 30 million? That's no attack on Pepe, he actually said that he did well

[Oliver_Kahn]

Originally Posted by Blaugrana

I'll refrain; he doesn't say that he's the worst signing because of his Porto days, he has purely based it on his appeareances in La Liga

I was referring to the part I highlighted mate, the fact that he was "unknown".

Originally Posted by Blaugrana

Or is it blind or stupid, if he doesn't think any defender is worth 30 million? That's no attack on Pepe, he actually said that he did well

He said this:
"So Pepe did well shutting out a has been Brazilian and a couple of teenagers? Whoopedy do."
That's a bit ironic, just a bit